I'm still not enough!!! PART 1...Munafik n Homo

sometimes posting only an entry making me feel SOOoo x happy coz i think that it's SOoo not enough...simply said, to satisfy myself, I would at least post 2 entrys so that when i'm back to view it, i feel satisfied...( coz 1st entry posted, I tend to carut many things)...here come the 2nd posting, i want to write something more meaningful..., 1st and foremost i would like to highlight a few things that happened in my life today...5/4/10/...hu3

1) i feel so dissapointed with myself for waking up so early but end up sleeping till noon right after I done my prayer coz last night b4 i go to bed i've promised myself to start studying something

2) i'm still not able to control my uncontrollable lust for foods even for something small like biscuits (paanyer cream crakersss) and have been crunching like people starving (so potato people) when I feel hungry

3) still carut-mencarut my friends even i've promised myself to not give a damn of what people saying and only mind my own self and if i can, trying to top it all of with zikrullah but still, it's not happened(pity to sahaful coz kena carut ngan mek...sori pul...jgn amik ati coz mek sentiasa gurau)

4) not be able to gang up with my friends to jog all around campus due to my long lasting tiredness that showed no signs of stop (malas)...

Okay done with my dissapointments...

what's next???

adding on continue...i would like to quote something that is still a little shock to me and my closest friends the moment we overheard about this thing just a few days ago...we kept the secret firmly and guess what?... it has been aggravated again today...that is to be true it's about homothing...hu3...i'm so shivering.

i know that it was very embarassing to have seen something related with homo... especially with our very own-naked eye but does it more embarassing if we took step sharing this thing with someone else...it's like we too involved with this confusion gender and contributed to their development.plus, we just make them get more bigger...malu gler pihak yang terlibat...while to the person who telling this, they would not feel any guilty (you SHOULD NOT if you told the responsible parties) because they thought they were like innocent to unfold such a hidden truth. actually, they are NOTTTT. you just made it more worse. sementelah you too do something dark at the behind, why not you take step to get yourself straight first...ni tidak, pecah rahsia sana...pecah rahsia sini...you have pressured everybody...adoiii....

alamak...dah emo dah...nantila ek sambung blk

To my beloved mama

That you are all that i need
For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me
Just the way i am
For you i am a better man
I said you are the reason
For everything i do
I'd be lost, so lost without you

i know i've made it clear any posting of song lyrics is stupid and all, but i feel i have to make an exception. having some time to reflect on my 21 years of existence, i feel that one person we don't appreciate enough is our mothers. we bitch and whine bout our partners, our stupid studies, our boredom and all. but are those all really that important? they would walk to the end of the earth for us. they would forgo enough sleep and rest to ensure we get the best care in the world. they set aside their career's and personal ambition so that they can devote their time to us. they ignore family conflicts and self happiness so that we grow up with more than enough love but do we appreciate them in the same way? i realized i didnt. for everything my mom has done for me, i feel i treat her unfairly and unjustly. boyfriends, friends, personal happiness. all that has been given importance over showing appreciation to the person who has guided me all this while. and to think her time on this earth won't last forever. some of us forget that fact. i can't imagine life without my favourite girl. she is my rock, my biggest fan, my everything. so from one loving son, i love you mama. i'm sorry for all that i've put you through. you deserve the best, and that will be my oath to you, for the rest of my life. i will care for you, ensure you get a lifetime supply of cats to make you happy, and buy that beautiful bungalow you always wanted. its the least i can do.

abih gak tulis akhirnyer

two more weeks to go before final exam starts. gosh. means I only have two more weeks to enjoy my campus life in here. what's next? going to debate tournaments (Arau open, pisza etc..), verangan and doing totally noting at home or looking for something that can give me money? second option sound so great and in fact that is thing I would always look up right after the final exam ended...best gler sial...when i'm at home, i just eat and sleep and...do stuff. tp lama2 pon boring gak...so if you happen to be in Kelantan, jom lepak and pekena something. mesti best giler...cuma problemnyer skang cuti lambat lagi. in that period of time...besides study...what am i going to do...pikir2.still have times. okay back to the present...me still thinking what I'm going to type...gotcha!!!...let me tell every and each of you sal satu mendalah yang baru je berlaku td. kaedahnyer pg td, me, puleh and fazli went to Temerloh to look for shoes, jeans etc. after a very lahar walking to shops and boutiques which is not sooo by distance to each other plus the options that was LAHAR, we then decided to go to Mentakab...sesampai je Mentakab, we were welcomed by heavy rain that last not long and a fact that Mentakab is not much difference than Temerloh...indeed Mentakab got it much worse to still keeping many old buildings in which for me...all of them actually don't have any means or historical something...so ngan nyesalnyer we all walk and walk and walk to nowhere that at last, we found something that can be proud of...it's a complete-sungei weng-liked boutique cam kt bb tu...tp sayangnyer it was just external appearances that what have been put inside is exactly not the same as what we have looked on the outside....mek sangat la marah...perjalanan diteruskan hinggalah mek sempat snap 1 seluar cantik ni...nanti mek upload gambar seluar tu...okay forget that coz the focus is on this one...actually I've met one guy in the middle of the way...ms jalan2...this guy is very sexy cam edison chen or to be more exact he's like jerry...mek suke sgt...ANDDDDDD suddenly my momentos with jerry back to back terflashed non-stop depan mata mek...mek nangis n found it very tired...hingus mek dah bercucuran...mek hide it from puleh and fazley and mek berjaya...
to be honest with you, my readers, Jerry is my boyfriend.my relationship with Jerry lately is getting stagnant. flat. mendatar. langsung tiada turun naik. no mess. no fuss. and no argument at all.

jadi, kami hidup aman bahagia?

tidak juga. kerana hati mek kata, mek tidak gembira. kerana pada masa yang sama, hubungan kami sudah mula hilang bunga-bunga cinta. sudah mula malap percik-percik asmaranya. tiada lagi bisik-bisik manja antara kami. kami sudah jarang ketawa bersama. i myself no longer enjoy Jerry as my partner. pendek kata, hubungan kami bukan setakat mendatar, tetapi turut hilang keintimannya.

tulis seorang pakar motivasi, Jackie Woods di dalam satu artikelnya, "a relationship that grows stagnant is in real trouble".

mula-mula, mek 'hade haku kesah?!'

however he actually did makes me think deeply.ni mek sempat highlight severe statements drp artikel tu

I started to realize, I'm growing tired and sick of sleeping next to a man who is sleeping a foot apart from me instead of working on his relationship with me. A man who often pretended to fall asleep everytime I seduced him with several sex tricks. A man who said no word, not even any single word when I wanted to discuss the issue. And guess what? He kept denying his problem and said i love uuuuu..tp mek rs jerry tkderla sampai gini

"Grow up la nok! It's time for you to move on" kata seorang sahabat, FD.

masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga mek suara nyaring mak hayamnya itu (keji ko! sempat carut mek kata mek bodoh kan!!).

membaca artikel Tim Connor sedikit sebanyak menguatkan semangat mek. i would like to quote some sentences from Tim Connor sekali lagi, "There are moments in life when love is easy and there are also difficult times when you have to reach deep inside yourself to love those that may not seem worthy. You can solve your problems, but it will take effort, patience and a lot of love if you want to succeed"

membina sesebuah hubungan memang mudah. kita boleh jatuh cinta dengan mudah. semudah ABC. kerana memang tabii manusia itu sendiri yang ingin menyayangi dan disayangi. but when it comes to maintenance, itu yang payah. mek rasa, mengekalkan momentum cinta dalam perhubungan adalah cabaran sebenar dunia cinta.

terfikir juga sekali sekala bagaimanalah Laila dan Majnun mengharungi rumah tangga mereka jika mereka dibenarkan bersama. atau kekalkah cinta sejati Rumi dan Juli andai hayat mereka masih dikandung badan. entah-entah, setelah 5 tahun bersama, pinggan mangkuk berterbangan menjadi senjata perang? hurm..

mek akhiri entry first mek ini dengan satu soalan untuk anda semua, is love all that matters, or is there more to have a successful relationships?

nota kaki bercagu : FD, mek memang ingin move on. seperti yang FD nasihatkan. move on, and grow up and go to the next level. tetapi mek tidak ingin bergerak sendiri. mek ingin melakukannya bersama dengan Jerry (well, itu yang mek rasa, so far).