Thursday, November 17, 2011

Rambling...

This life is a prison.

There's this one scene in Malcolm X, where another inmate says to Malcolm while they were in prison:

"Everywhere you go, you're in prison. Because its a prison of your mind."

We can't do as we like, when we like, however we like.

I do not know who I am anymore. I do not know where I was born, who my family was, what my inner beliefs are. But i do know that to be have problems is to be human.

I'm was stressed facing everything in my life. I'm feeling inferior, all this while I've done my very best, now I feel like I've achieved nothing.

On a loftier scale, I felt really worried about the state of me, and stressed because of my lack of efforts in helping myself up to the true me.

I was suffering under oppressive regimes of those whom they wanted to see me going down. I was stressed to see myself like this but I knew no one can help...No one

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

finally...

i oddly feel like smacking someone's head to pieces.He deserves that for being an arrogant jackass.mind my language,you people.

maybe,i was being so fragile.maybe.well that was offensive for a normal human being.unless you're born mentally handicapped for not sensing the offensiveness.anyway fuck that!again, mind my language.

another day has been reckoned with.a splendid one i must say?
maybe.i have been engaging myself into this so-called social circle of mine where i have had been friends with certain types of people ranging from wannabes,idiotic morons,friends for benefits,backstabbing bitches,kleptomaniac freaks and the list goes on to a certain extent (at least).well,i may have fallen into one (or two) or none of the above mentioned categories.there are some of people whom i genuinely believe are nice.well you know what they say,sometimes nice people are bad ones who don't get caught (yet).Oh so true!

gosh,i should have disclaimed earlier about the randomness of this entry.trust me, it is so random you're gonna puke.ok please don't. haha.ishould end this now since
i am annoyed (too) even though no one reads this but my freaking self!call me self-serving psychopath!see, this is a random annoyance.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

kesedihan and kekecewaan part 2

i knew for sure my decision will put my mom in tears.but if i decided to continue,next thing to happen will only torturing my feeling.take for example...i studied very hard for this couple of months,with appalling trades of assignments and nods from lecturers are all in a day's work for a mere bio-molecule student.shall i have a desire to go insane in the next few days because of them.only god knows...no words could describe the efforts i've put into...only to woken up by the fact that the marks scored was disappointing,still,after all.it felt weird somehow.did god loves me?why it must be me to endure something like this.why not the other people.even after all i've done...seeking for the betterment in my life...why would god gave me such a very big test...a mixture of somberness, sadness, and uneasiness dwells in my heart in this period of time.i'm freaking jealous of all the people at my surrounding.i'm not talking about the PM or any political figures and their stints,i'm talking people of my age, smiling, holding certs or anything,implying the success that they've just landed.this gets very offensive...the pain was unbearable.i couldn't see where i would be if i continue doing things i dislike...to quit is the best thing to do...one more thing is bad people.it never crossed my mind that those close to me,more specific,one of my house mate would appear such obnoxious and behave repulsively by stealing my very owned laptop.post of the losing laptop...i was always thinking why must god put bad people around me even He knows i can't afford to replace the laptop with the new one...it make me feels demoralized when this thing came into my mind.i feel betrayed and sinned especially toward my mom...the same thing goes when i was in class,contesting with the not-so-naive and the not-so-dumb people.i have to act like i like them...don't look down upon other individuals comes into mind...its hard.sahaful always sasa that god tests people through the difficulties with which they can cope.given the circumstances right now,i couldn't cope with all this...so how...is it god gonna put my destiny into something even harder...tell me...or is it He gonna surprise me with more out-of-sort problems...why i couldn't be normal like any other people...they did and thye make it...unlike me,i always put the effort but only to know the outcomse was a failed one...i can't sort things out...i can't.how do i want to build my believe again...it has been sunken,deep and was nowhere to be found.i'm now iman-less...dah x solat dah pown...dah x solat yek...x tahu nak buat macam mana dah...benci n bosan ngan dunia neyhhhhh...benci...what if i choose to die at this moment...no one gonna know...

p/s:continue>>>