it's pathetic.me,myself is still wondering how it could turn out to be the otherwise when the arrangements have been outlined properly.this time everything wasn't fall into its place.i'm quite dissapointed with what had happened.last night.right after done with my calculus 2 quiz,i decided to take some rest while doing some plannings of what i'm going to do today.it wasn't long when i remember that my money has running out and i was left with not even a cent with me right at the moment.seriously,if i do not withdraw some amount of money from the bank,i would made myself starving.so,today,i had planned that after passing up my quiz to my dear Mrs Amirah Hana,i'm going to pay a visit to the library.why it happened to be the library?it was because library has been the best place ever to gather the people.here at uitm pahang,library is known to serve its people so many things.to shorten it out,i would find some of my friends that can lend some money to help me go to the bank and do the withdrawal.unfortunately...or maybe it has been destined that way...i found no one i knew in the library...even more sad...after having some walking here and there...still,no one to be found.i didn't know what i'm going to do.to add...my stomach keep producing so many weird sounds as it was like the lunch time has come and i need to rush to the dining hall immediately even it was still 10 am in the morning...the only solution i have with me is doing some surfing on the internet...luckilly after like 2 hours wasting time tracking others blog...the sound of my stomach was reducing...so for now i think it is better to have this thing posted on my blog...it is not everytime that i could cruise throughtout such moment...gatefully...it wasn't end in disaster...

think positive...

wow...there were too much things coming in my way right now.assignments and tests were some of the things that have kept me very busy.i need to really put my effort on these 2 things because they counted almost 50 percent of my marks during the final.more importantly,the marks scored would see my pointer having some slight of an increasement and it does really help when i apply for my degree.yes it was hard...really hard because i have to face mathemathics everyday and had my brain going in a full throttle to solve the questions but thinking of its benefit which i will posses in the future,i force myself to deal with it.there are times where i want to cry and couldn't sleep but then i realized it wouldn't change anything if i acting negatively and unwillingly.i knew this emotional war of me certainly wouldn't help even a bit and if i keep behaving like this,i would end up myself with more dissapointments...for now i think i want to give myself a new spirit.let out everything.resetting the reset button of me and put myself again in a refreshing mode...i want to be a firm believer that believe to the belief of "everything would just be okay if we acted and behave the way it is".you can never go the wrong way if you do like this one...DONE!!!

Sometimes, being around people is tiring. there are times where we have to fake a smile, denies the truth and even laugh on something that is not funny at all. When we have nobody around us, we might feel left behind and alone but there are times when there are too many people around that we feel suffocated and wanted to run away. Once in awhile, being alone is the best. You don't have to consider others feeling. You don't have to mind your laugh. You can cry. You can be yourself.

But, the word 'be yourself' itself is a little confusing. I have been questioning myself for awhile. What is exactly 'being yourself' ? Each different word, act, laugh or cry? Even though it doesn't seem or sound like the 'normal' us, it still come from ourselves. So how come people can say that we are not being who we actually are?

Now, even my sentences sound weird.

To some people, they might feel that even their mother wouldn't truly understand who their sons/daughters truly are. Some parents even get fooled by their children. When loves blinds everything else, sometimes mothers and fathers can't see the reality of their children. Since I don't have the experience yet, I really can't clarify these statements.

Even as an individual, we ourselves can't understand our mind.

Since it always be like that. It would be wonderful if everyone doesn't judge people at once. Stop assuming and start understanding people.

I have always hated people who assume carelessly.

What you see doesn't mean that is the truth. Even the person agreed with a statement, doesn't mean his/her heart and mind accept it. What comes out from people mouth doesn't mean it is the answer.

So just like I say, stop assuming, take time. Then, that time, you might get to know the truth behind one's heart....

i had cracked and again it was because of math.well,to give you a more clear picture,i've just taken my first MAT 238 test tonight .realizing i'm just sitting it for the first time,i think it is best to do some preparation and try to make an analysis on the usual pattern of questions that were asked by referring to the previous paper before the test is started.for this past few days,i've spent all my time in the library studying with the main purpose,to cover and mastering all the topics that i've learned before.i've to admit,math is not my field and certainly,it would be my last choice of everything.back to the story...this time,i've to study alone for quite some time because most of my friends are so busy with their study and their personal life to worry about.to add,my repeater's friend that used to study with me also got classes to attend to and tests to sit to.so,nothing could do about it.they could be full-time with me only a day before the kick its starts,we doing some revisions and solving some sort of questions altogether.then here the test goes tonight...the important part of my life here.it was so hard.i was surprised to see apart of the question is multi-application based question.luckily that i've been able to recall all the formulas needed for the test.so its kinda a little easier to find the all the answers directly.unfortunately i only got 1 hour and 30 minute to finish the tests.the time meanwhile beating and moving faster than i ever imagined it would be.i ended up the test by not being able to check whether my answers are correct or not...its kinda sad actually because i have gave away everything i had to this test....imagine 1 week-non-stop-studying this thing...i deserve to do better things...

p/s=math memang membuatkan manusia meroyan

I am getting old. I can feel it in my bones. Since I reached my prime age of 21, I can feel myself deteriorating slowly but surely. Now at 22, everything in me is slowing down. When I was younger, I didn't have to do anything specific to keep fit. I was just naturally fit. Now, I have to freaking exercise!

Exercise, as in cardio and weights. And every time I exercise, I am reminded of the certainty of death. That state of mind will then manifest into a semi-conscious mental experience of dying. You know; weakening of nerves, blurring of vision and kapooots: darkness. Scary.

In a nutshell every time I exercise, I am reminded of the grimness of vacuum in-existence. But when I don't exercise, I can literally feel death closing in on me faster. So it is no wonder that whenever I finish a routine, I will cast a sinister look.

The thought of death is just so mind-boggling that I can't wrap my mind around it. My whole existence will cease to exist and I will feel no pain, bliss, hope, love, facebook, lust, nothing!

This concludes my thoughts after today's 2 hours exercise routine. Sekian.

tension!!!

this semester,i've vowed to myself that i wouldn't waste my time for stupid things again and only thinking about study.i really want to change.i don't want to stuck for another year in jengka.it is because it is so hard and painful.there were several challenges which i have to face earlier when i came to the university this year.well...it had expected and i didn't mind it.then,here it goes...me,myself continuing my another year of my diploma here.i need to admit that it was very unpleasant to hear everyone keep whispering about myself and to see the weird faces of the other students when they saw me or bumped into me...sometimes it can get even very annoying as it was because some of them were teasing me..there were sometimes when i was about to cry but still,i could hold myself by not bursting into tears at that moment...thank God...i started to feel better now and i have became adapted to this environment...this week,everything seem to go as what it was supposed to be.my happy feet dances madly and i couldn't agree it more that i haven't feel like this for years until i heard something...at first,i just couldn't believed what i heard...arghhh...yes,there are no big things to them but for me,it was kind of pathetic if they see me here and knowing that i'm now at part 7...it is actually not something big but it would be big because of my status...

it is...

JACK and JOE is coming!!!

they haven't been here for so long.last year i was informed that joe has been chosen to represent UiTM in royal debate.he indeed made it to senior team which is no debaters from jengka has made such history before.so it would be a big story-telling session when they came here.to put it simply,our relationship was not in the good term for quite sometimes.it was because of the debate whereas we often disagree on one another over most of the things.be it the committee of debate which has been elected or the team that has been chosen or the debate which was held,we never agree on anything that had made.the situation always go worsen every time when both of us discussing to look any ideas with another members and it ended-up that he were forced to accept whatever i think it best for the debate club.

JACK=i do not know to xplain....anything about him comprises too much stories.partly.i didn't feel i like to let her story being told to everybody.if u still want to know,dig it up by yourself

from what i can tell,both of them really got on my nerves.i feel really uncomfortable.maybe it is very much due to their position as my seniors.seemed that i've to hide somewhere to prevent them know what i'm doing right now.i've already thought about that and i think i want to stay at che sam's house or habil's room.we would see me not going anywhere for 4 days till they finally returned to shah alam...OMG...it is hard...

end with that thing....well,for now,it was the only issue that has caused me disturbance...apart from that...everything were under control...ok la...that's all

p/s:x sabar nak dgr cter joe drp bdk2 nih...