Saturday, November 12, 2011

kesedihan and kekecewaan part 2

i knew for sure my decision will put my mom in tears.but if i decided to continue,next thing to happen will only torturing my feeling.take for example...i studied very hard for this couple of months,with appalling trades of assignments and nods from lecturers are all in a day's work for a mere bio-molecule student.shall i have a desire to go insane in the next few days because of them.only god words could describe the efforts i've put into...only to woken up by the fact that the marks scored was disappointing,still,after felt weird somehow.did god loves me?why it must be me to endure something like this.why not the other people.even after all i've done...seeking for the betterment in my life...why would god gave me such a very big test...a mixture of somberness, sadness, and uneasiness dwells in my heart in this period of time.i'm freaking jealous of all the people at my surrounding.i'm not talking about the PM or any political figures and their stints,i'm talking people of my age, smiling, holding certs or anything,implying the success that they've just landed.this gets very offensive...the pain was unbearable.i couldn't see where i would be if i continue doing things i quit is the best thing to more thing is bad never crossed my mind that those close to me,more specific,one of my house mate would appear such obnoxious and behave repulsively by stealing my very owned of the losing laptop...i was always thinking why must god put bad people around me even He knows i can't afford to replace the laptop with the new make me feels demoralized when this thing came into my mind.i feel betrayed and sinned especially toward my mom...the same thing goes when i was in class,contesting with the not-so-naive and the not-so-dumb people.i have to act like i like them...don't look down upon other individuals comes into mind...its hard.sahaful always sasa that god tests people through the difficulties with which they can cope.given the circumstances right now,i couldn't cope with all it god gonna put my destiny into something even harder...tell me...or is it He gonna surprise me with more out-of-sort problems...why i couldn't be normal like any other people...they did and thye make it...unlike me,i always put the effort but only to know the outcomse was a failed one...i can't sort things out...i can' do i want to build my believe has been sunken,deep and was nowhere to be found.i'm now iman-less...dah x solat dah pown...dah x solat yek...x tahu nak buat macam mana dah...benci n bosan ngan dunia neyhhhhh...benci...what if i choose to die at this one gonna know...


No comments:

Post a Comment